You know what really rankles my feathers? These darned kids and their stupid shoes with the wheels on them. Back in my day, you were damn grateful if your parents bought you a nice wooden block to play Blockies with. Now, these damn ragamuffins think Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence so every little shitpube can glide in front of my Sunny Green Oak’s condo window. You’re no Nathanial Niles’s , you’re all just a bunch of ninnies with weak willed parents who think buying you those fancy-schmancy shoes will keep you from burning the family dog or touching stoves. Guess what? I bet most of those kids with the wheelies will be taking over for the current generation of kids standing on the corner of Malaise Road and Ungrateful Avenue. Get a damn job and stop twirling like a pansy!
-Percy “Fuck Them Wheelies” Johanson
The Old Man Quarterly 