I Hate Your Son’s Wheelies

You know what really rankles my feathers? These darned kids and their stupid shoes with the wheels on them. Back in my day, you were damn grateful if your parents bought you a nice wooden block to play Blockies with. Now, these damn ragamuffins think Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence so every little shitpube can glide in front of my Sunny Green Oak’s condo window. You’re no Nathanial Niles’s , you’re all just a bunch of ninnies with weak willed parents who think buying you those fancy-schmancy shoes will keep you from burning the family dog or touching stoves. Guess what? I bet most of those kids with the wheelies will be taking over for the current generation of kids standing on the corner of Malaise Road and Ungrateful Avenue. Get a damn job and stop twirling like a pansy!

-Percy “Fuck Them Wheelies” Johanson

Geri Hattrick

Hi,
I am Geri.  I am a swingin’ 87-year-old playboy from Tampa, Florida.  I live in the Swaying Oaks retirement community, where I enjoy the company of several lady-friends.  My favorite activities include watching “Matlock,” drinking Brandy Old-Fashioneds down by the pool, listening to Benny Goodman, snorting Viagras, and picking up chicks on Jello night (no teeth, no problem!).

Old Man Quarterly will be a blog page dedicated to Silent Generation Swingers like me.  This is a place where we can all share our experiences together and maybe even learn a thing or two.  That being said, sit back, put on your favorite Duke Ellington record, pour yourself a stiff drink, and enjoy.

My Grandchild Set This Blog Up

Rick’s a nice kid. He’s got an arm like a 6th grade girl after a jump rope competition, but he makes up for his faggy-ness by helping his gramps write on the internets. I’m going to write to all you whippersnappers about my life and why you’re all stupid for not listening to me. If you’ve got a problem with something I write, go tell your ungrateful mom. I just got off her.

-Percy